The 6 Greatest Things Ever Accomplished While High

Cracked.com has compiled a hilarious list of the 5 greatest things ever accomplished while high. Their two major concerns while choosing the items for this list was that the accomplishment had to be “considered great by people who could pass a field sobriety test”, and that music didn’t count. What they ended up with after striking things like the Grateful Dead from the list is this:

#5. Francis Crick Discovers DNA Thanks to LSD - In 1953 in Cambridge, Crick burst through the front door of his home spouting what his wife Odile originally thought was crazy jibberish about two spirals twisting in opposite directions from one another.

#4. Freud and Cocaine Invent Psychoanalysis - The first ten years of Sigmund Freud’s career were like a roving cocaine pep rally. He prescribed cocaine to his friends for headaches, nasal ailments or just to “give (their) cheeks a red color.”

#3. A Coke Addict Makes a Coke-Flavored Cola and Calls it Coke - John Pemberton, the Atlanta pharmacist that invented Coca Cola, claimed that the ingredient it was named after, the Coca leaf, cured everything from depression and nervousness to morphine addiction.

#2. Dock Ellis Trips His Way to a No-Hitter - The day of the no-hitter, Dock Ellis woke up around noon on what he thought was Friday and ate three tabs of acid, presumably because he was tired of Wheaties. But when his girlfriend arrived she was carrying Saturday’s newspaper, which meant he’d slept through Friday or that his girlfriend’s was a time traveler. The sports page had more bad news, he was scheduled to pitch in San Diego in six hours.

#1. Moses Takes ‘Shrooms, Shits Out Ten Commandments - Everyone wants to say how dangerous it is to use psychedelic drugs, but Moses takes a few and comes up with a set of morally sound rules that have held up for thousands of years and, for some, serves as a reason not to murder the guy in front of you who’s taking an annoyingly long time at the ATM.

Great list, but they forgot #6: Stoned Hippies Invent the Environmental Movement Because Man, Trees are Awesome.

Hippie #1: (Exhales smoke) Dude… have you ever thought about, like, how totally rad trees are? They’re like, so tall. And they give us oxygen so we can breathe, man. We wouldn’t even be alive if there were no trees, man.

Hippie #2: Yeah, trees are awesome. Hey man, I heard they’re going to cut down that big tree at the park. We should like, go sit in it. And then they um… won’t cut it down, or something.

Hippie #1: (Dreamily twirls hair, then suddenly turns to look at Hippie #2) Uhhh, what were we just talking about? Pass that back over here, man.

Okay, so the environmental movement was never really ‘invented’… it grew out of books like Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring, localized concern over natural landmarks and efforts by groups like the Sierra Club. But, hippies invented the modern environmental movement as a political force and brought it into mainstream consciousness in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s, when the youth was in the midst of a cultural revolution also comprised of the antiwar movement, civil rights movement and feminist movement. But if there’s one thing we know about hippies in the ‘60s, it’s that they were almost always stoned. We’re sure that more than a little mary jane was passed around as student groups and organizations sat around in circles making “Give Earth a Chance” buttons.

Link [Cracked]
Photo credit: Classico Postcards

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