Bio-Bluths: Green Mantras In Arrested Development

Arrested Development is a classic “so good it got canceled” TV show–it was fiercely loved by the fans that bothered to watch it, and ignored by everybody else, with no pasty middle ground lazy viewers to carry it through season after season (Everybody Loves Raymond, I’m talking to you). Should some of those devotees be looking to the green movement for the Bluth-shaped hole in their lives? Here are a few green things we found in Arrested Development.

The Banana Stand

The source of George Sr.’s start and the repository for his dirty money, the Bluth Banana Stand is a great way for us to be sucking down petroleum-light treats. Sort of. While bananas have to be transported long distances to get to the stand–and frozen when they’re there–they don’t have to be sweetened by high-fructose corn syrup, and the production of that is incredibly petroleum intensive, thanks to the use of fertilizer to make up for the amount of corn we can naturally produce, refine the syrup, and then get the processed food to your gut.

Gob’s Segway

Gob is best known for being a bad person in pretty much every respect, but his chosen method of transportation straddles the line in between “lazy” and “green” petty effectively. While Gob has a bad habit of not walking places he can Segway, he also Segways everywhere a normal person would drive. It’s more energy effecient, that’s for sure, but he’s using up so much juice that it’s worth asking what sort of power plant they’re charging off of.

Blowing Up The Yacht

We’ve discussed with you in the past how bad ships can be for the planet when they’re just used for luxury cruising, and so it’s probably worth mention that Gob strikes a pretty big blow against these floating Humvees by sinking the Bluth family’s…to “The Final Countdown”…for MTV.

Michael’s Bike

I think the point that AD is trying to drive home is that Michael makes every sacrifice for his family–he was living in the attic when we first met him–and lets them drive the car while his humble bicycle is the way to commute. We certainly don’t see him talk about the environment any, but hey–he’s getting at that, too.

The Stair Truck

What, you might ask, is a carbon-belching behemoth of a 1980s pickup doing on a green list? Simple–by continuing to use it until the end of its service life, the Bluth family has saved all of the energy needed to produce a new car–almost a 1,000 mile difference depending on the automobile. And it’s great for cruising for chicks, too.

Next thing you know ol’ Jed’s a Billionaire- Todays Oil Prices Make Clampetts Billionaires

Jed Clampett, the lovable old patriarch of the Clampett family who struck black gold one day while shootin for some food, would be an incredibly rich Hillbilly had that fortunate hunting accident happened today. You could say he’d be happier than a tornado at a trailer park.

Had Jed discovered that bubblin crude these days instead of 1962 he’d be worth a cool billion dollars. Back in ‘62 when Jed stuck oil in Bugtussel, the price per barrel was around $2.85. Kin folk told Jed move away from there, so The Clampetts loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly (Hill’s that is) with $25,000,000 in Mr. Drysdale’s bank.

Which means, if we do the math …that Jed uncovered around 8.7 million barrels of oil. At any price above $115.55/barrel Jed’s north of 10 figures (a Billionaire). A quick stop to Bloomberg Energy shows crude oil futures currently going for ~$118/barrel.

Wee Doggies!, imagine the party Jed, Granny, Jethro, Elly May, and Duke could throw with that kind of cash- the fancy vittles, moonshine and dancing out by the cee-ment pond. Which would make them all happier than cats a fish fry. Yeehaw.

Britney Spears Does a Turn for The Environment: Auctioning Waredrobe for the Natural Resources Defense Council

Jobby McGillicuddy is a Writer, Winemaker, Adventurer, Ninja Master, Maple Sugarer, and Bookkeeper who splits his time between his home in Springfield and tree house in the forests outside Dillon, Texas. 

This is an odd nexus of Britney Spears and the Environment- she’s auctioning off the clothes she wore while filming a guest spot on How I Met Your Mother and giving the proceeds to the Natural Resources Defense Council. PopCrunch has it:

CBS and 20th Century Fox TV are sponsoring the online auction, which will take place immediately after her appearance on How I Met Your Mother. Items up for bid include a Nanette Lepore dress and cardigan and a dress designed by Juicy Couture.

Link [PopCrunch]

BBC Puts Reality TV Show Stars Out With the Trash- Literally

Talk about trash TV – Tune into BBC America this Sunday and you might just happen upon a gaggle of lost and forlorn Brits, rummaging through mounds and mounds of their own waste. No, not THAT kind of waste… get your filthy minds out of the sewer. We’re talking garbage here, folks. Sweet-smelling and abundant, beautiful and glorious: TRASH!

For a three week period, 11 landfill-rumaging dwellers made their ways through a dump, accepting challenges along the way that involved making the most out of the one thing that they had tons and tons of: crap. Dumped, a four part BBC series, means to draw attention to the dreadful UK landfill situation and airs until the end of March.

Compared to other European nations, the UK ranks low when it comes to recycling. It is estimated that each UK resident throws away 1/2 ton of trash each year, something that this whacked-out reality show is trying to make a stink about…

Links [Green Daily] & [BBC Dumped]

Watch Five Hours of Cable News, Get One Minute of Environmental or Science Coverage

We’re pleased to welcome new writer Anders Porter, a blogger, journalist, and Swedish/English translator from California currently living in Sweden. He blogs on his person website at Anders Porter dot com. This is his first post, so feel free to verbally haze his noob ass.

When I think of cable news, I think of broad, fair, and unbiased reporting. (Insert Fox News joke here.)

I take comfort in knowing that when I flip over to my MSNBC or my CNN, that the talking heads are going to take care of me, that they will dish out what I need, spoon feed me with my news food groups, if you know what I mean.

Well, according to the analysis of cable TV news coverage as reported in the 2008 Annual Report on American Journalism, the cable news networks are definitely living up to their promise of feeding their peeps. That is, of course, if you’re the kind of peep that munches on nothing nothing but politics, foreign policy debate and crime. If you’re looking for a little lettuce and tomato, that’s right – coverage of education, science and, oh yeah – THE ENVIRONMENT – then you gonna be sitting in front of that box for a long, long, long, long time. Uh-huh. Long time.

Turns out that during a five hour non-stop cable news marathon, it is likely that you will see 35 minutes about campaigns and elections and 1 minute and 25 seconds about the environment.

Sweeeeet. Nice to know we have our priorities worked out.

Link [2008 Anual Report on American Journalism] Via Framing Science