Michael Phelps Helps Polar Bears Adapt to a Changing World

World record-breaking Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps is bouncing back from his pot scandal in a way that has environmentalists and animal rights advocates around the world raising their bongs in tribute. Phelps, in an effort to reclaim his good name globally, is lending his expertise to help threatened polar bears adapt to a new world in which their natural habitat is rapidly changing.

Phelps is teaching polar bears advanced swimming techniques so that they can compete around the world, ensuring that the animals remain valued as global warming obliterates their Arctic homes. They may not be able to carry out their lives as nature intended, but they’ll be lavished with attention by humans who love to gawk at confined performing animals.

Of his new venture, Michael “Dolphin Boy” Phelps humbly explained, “Every week, there has been a new story about polar bears and how they’re dying off. It seems like nothing but bad news, all the time. But now, polar bears have a chance to not only survive, but go on to compete and win in the Olympics, and what could be more important than that?”

Fear not, animal rights activists: Phelps will be monitored carefully while interacting with the bears to ensure that no marijuana changes hands. After all, polar bears aren’t superhuman, so it could affect their performance.

Link [The Daily Mail]
Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

Polar Bears Float Past Houses of Parliament in London

Londoners got quite a shock yesterday as polar bears floated down the Thames River on icebergs, past the Tower Bridge and the Houses of Parliament. They didn’t make some kind of bizarre, epic journey down from the Arctic, though – they’re sculptures launched in the river to raise global warming awareness, as part of the launch of new British television channel ‘Eden’.

From The Times Online:

A total of 15 artists spent two months constructing the 20ft by 20ft square structure, which was launched at 6:30am before travelling up the Thames, stopping besideTower Bridge and the Houses of Parliament. The structure weighing, 1.5 tonnes, was winched into place.

The event coincides with the Eden Channel’s Fragile Earth series, presented by Sir David Attenborough.

Melting ice caps threaten the existence of polar bears as their habitat disappears. There will also be serious consequences for the two billion people who depend on glacial meltwater to feed rivers.

Sir David said: “The melting of the polar bears’ sea ice habitat is one of the most pressing environmental concerns of our time. I commend Eden for highlighting the issue; we need to do what we can to protect the world’s largest land carnivores from extinction.”

The polar bear will also be touring other cities, including Glasgow and Birmingham.

That’s certainly a good way to grab people’s attention. The sculptures are pretty lifelike, but a close-up on the Times Online website shows that no fur was involved. (UPDATE: See video above!)

Link [Times Online]
Photo credit: The Daily Mail

Global Warming? It Must Be the Hats.

In this video from Friends of the Earth, two polar bears muse on the causes of global warming. Oh and they have Australian accents…what accent did you think they’d have?

Scientists Debate Moving Polar Bears to Antarctica as Arctic Melts

Scientists are obviously reaching a point of true desperation. While the world still debates whether climate change is even real (eye roll), the scientific community is coming back to an idea that was once considered wrongheaded and dangerous: moving species to new areas of the world as their natural habitats become inhabitable. First up: moving the polar bears to the other side of the globe.

From Wired:

Caught between climate change and human pressure, species are going extinct 100 times faster than at any point in human history.

And some scientists say that figure is too conservative. The real extinction rate, they say, is a full 1,000 times higher than normal. The last time such annihilation took place was during the time of the dinosaurs. And though many conservationists say that saving species by transplanting them is foolish, others say there’s no choice.

“They want the world to be what it was before. But it’s not going to happen,” said Australian ecologist Hugh Possingham, author of an assisted-colonization article published Thursday in Science (citation page).

This does indeed seem like a very bad idea. Who knows what the effects could be of moving species so far away from their natural habitats? After all, such a move will affect the entire global ecosystem. The animal kingdom would have to figure out a new hierarchy. The consequences would be massive. It’s truly frightening to imagine that we are nearly to the point of needing a modern-day Noah’s Ark.

Link [Wired]
Photo credit: Flickr user edanley