Armored Car Without Penis. Let’s Save the Whales.

Russians who were looking forward to whale penis leather seats for their $1.45 million bulletproof SUVs are crying in disappointment, and pointing their fingers at environmentalists and Pamela Anderson for this grave injustice.

While the Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition SUV comes with gold trim, gauges encrusted with diamonds and rubies and three bottles of premium vodka, Russian millionaires will have to do without ultra soft and luxurious penis skin.

Here’s a snippet of the absolutely brilliant press release put out by Leonard F. Yankelovich of Dartz, the Prombron manufacturer.

ARMORED CAR WITHOUT PENIS. LET’S SAVE THE WHALES.

One month ago DARTZ presented uberluxury armored car with whale penis interior – PROMBRON’ (ex.RussoBaltique), lot of people name this car as DARTZ.KOMBAT. As the world’s resonance was very huge and DARTZ got lot of angry e-mails from Greenpeace, WWF and also Pamela Anderson, DARTZ make strong decision to stop their plans regarding such interior.

We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want – to make just luxury car. Real luxury car which will be world number one car. We just looking for most expensive products for this car – and that’s why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all.

We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: “Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales – we will keep You live! We don’t Earth fall down to Ocean!”

Yes, we all know that earth are stand on three whales. Therefore, the world thanks you, Dartz, for making such a selfless sacrifice.

Link [JamesList] via [Wired]

Photo credit: JamesList

Fueling the Modern World with… Air?

Of all the wacky things that fuel can be made from nowadays – ranging from dirty diapers to confiscated booze – somehow, this one takes the cake. Soon, we may be able to power our vehicles and heat our homes with nothing but air. A biofuel firm called Joule Biotechnologies has discovered a way to produce fuel from carbon dioxide in the air, using photosynthetic microbes.

From Gas 2.0:

Inside specially designed reactors, Joule’s engineered microbes thrive off of sunlight and CO2. In return, depending on the type of organism, they can produce straight ethanol, diesel or a number of other types of hydrocarbons.

Although the process sounds similar to algae-produced biofuels, the Joule process is incredibly (and beneficially) different for several reasons:

* Doesn’t produce biomass
* No agricultural feedstock needed
* Can be conducted on non-arable land
* Doesn’t need fresh water
* Produces fuel directly without the need for extraction or refinement

Fuel from thin air. Amazing, isn’t it? There is literally a world of possibilities out there when it comes to earth-friendly, renewable fuels.

Link [Gas 2.0]
Photo credit: Joule Biotechnologies

WTF: The Tapeworm Diet

“Darling, you look fabulous! What’s your secret?””

“Well, I’ll tell you… I swallowed a tapeworm and I’ve never been thinner!”

Allowing a disgusting parasite that can reach up to 25 feet long to grow inside your intestines isn’t exactly a reasonable way to lose weight. Yet, the Tapeworm Diet exists, and who else but Tyra Banks featured it on her circus of a talk show on Monday, exposing this vomitous idea to millions of people across the country.

From Ecorazzi:

According to Diet Review, “[The Tapeworm] secretes proteins in our intestinal tract that make our digestion of food much less efficient. A less efficient digestive systems means that you can consume more calories through your food since your “body guest” is also noshing on them for his own growth purposes. Some scientists estimate that those infected with a single tapeworm can lose up to one or two pounds each week.”

Healthy eating? Blah. Exercise? Who needs it! Just swallow a parasite and continue hitting KFC for lunch and dinner. Tyra even had a guy on that sells the worms over the Internet; despite an FDA ban on the practice. Said one woman on Twitter, “I’m still undecided on Tyra Banks’ Tapeworm diet. I don’t know if its a great or just plain ridiculous.” Undecided? What the hell is wrong with people?

And Tyra actually found two women who said they were willing to ingest a tapeworm to lose weight, despite the risks. You might ask, “Who are these people?” But, hey, this is America.

It might sound like some kind of hoax, but it’s for real – check out the comments at Diets in Review. Some of them are clearly tongue-in-cheek (and the diet has an unlikely 52% approval rating), but there are also commenters asking for information on where to get a tapeworm they can swallow. Amazing.

Link [Ecorazzi]

Unless Miley Cyrus Returns to Twitter, Fuzzy Will Die

Every celebrity has lunatic fans, but pole-dancing tween queen Miley Cyrus seems to have inspired a particularly fervent devotion among the completely unchained. First there was her extremely creepy stalker, and now she’s got someone threatening to kill their beloved cat if she doesn’t come back to Twitter.

Why did Miley leave Twitter? Who the hell cares? Oh, wait. This dude (or chick?) clearly does. And if Miley doesn’t come back by November 16th, Fuzzy is going to get it.

The other day I asked myself: ‘What can I do to bring Miley back to Twitter?’ Fan video? Petitions? Letters? That never works. Heck, Miley even made her own video about never wanting to use Twitter again. Then I looked at my cat, Fuzzy and I realized, maybe Fuzzy can help. Fuzzy can make the ultimate sacrifice for this cause. It was very difficult for me, you see, as I sincerely love Fuzzy. But my mind is made up. I could always get another cat, but nothing can replace Miley’s tweets for me!

The idea is very simple. I’ve set a deadline of November 16, 2009, when Fuzzy will part with his life and become a meal. I intend to make a cat dish according to our ethnic cuisine. Check out the Recipes section for more information. Also, you can view some pictures of Fuzzy here.

I do not consider myself a cruel person and I do love my cat. Fuzzy will receive quick and swift death and I’ll try to minimize his suffering.

Wondering what, exactly, this unnamed psycho fan is going to do with Fuzzy? Well, you need look no further than MileySaveFuzzy.com, where he/she has posted a recipe for ‘Braised Cat’. This fan swears that it isn’t a hoax or a joke (though, you know how that goes).

Hey, eating cats is as normal as eating chickens in some parts of the world – and there’s not necessarily anything wrong with that. In fact, it’s kind of messed up that we place such sentimental significance on certain species and are totally blasé about the treatment of the ones we eat.

But eating your pet for Miley freaking Cyrus’ TWITTER ACCOUNT? Maybe you should marinate yourself and let Fuzzy put you out of your misery.

Link [MileySaveFuzzy.com]

British Robot Raps About Recycling

Nothing makes kids want to recycle like a rapping robot with a British accent. At least, that seems to be the thinking behind this weird and funny video of an educational presentation by The Housing Education Initiative – made just a little bit stranger by the robot’s sign-spinning backup dancer.

Hey, whatever works! Back in the dark ages when I was in school, recycling education consisted of falling asleep during a lecture. Robots make pretty much everything cooler.

Link [YouTube]

Time to Eat the Dog? Weird Green Living Advice

Imagine carefully feeding your beloved and faithful dog a healthy diet that will help him grow fat and juicy, eyeing him one day and declaring, “Yep, it’s time to eat the dog.” That’s what two professors at Victoria University in New Zealand are proposing we consider – sort of – after finding that our choice in pets causes our carbon footprints to balloon out of control.

From the Dominion Post:

The couple have assessed the carbon emissions created bypopular pets, taking into account the ingredients of pet food and the land needed to create them.

“If you have a German shepherd or similar-sized dog, for example, its impact every year is exactly the same as driving a large car around,” Brenda Vale said.

“A lot of people worry about having SUVs but they don’t worry about having Alsatians and what we are saying is, well, maybe you should be because the environmental impact … is comparable.”

In a study published in New Scientist, they calculated a medium dog eats 164 kilograms of meat and 95kg of cereals every year. It takes 43.3 square metres of land to produce 1kg of chicken a year. This means it takes 0.84 hectares to feed Fido.

They compared this with the footprint of a Toyota Land Cruiser, driven 10,000km a year, which uses 55.1 gigajoules (the energy used to build and fuel it). One hectare of land can produce 135 gigajoules a year, which means the vehicle’s eco-footprint is 0.41ha – less than half of the dog’s.

Despite the title of their new book – Time to Eat the Dog: The real guide to sustainable living – Brenda and Robert Vale don’t really want you to serve Fido burgers at your next cookout. They are urging people to consider taking herbivorous food animals like goats as pets instead of dogs and cats.

The carbon footprint of our pets is probably something that most people haven’t really thought about, but while dogs and cats may not provide food or eat the most earth-friendly diets, they provide comfort and companionship that most people aren’t willing to give up. And, it’s highly unlikely that cities are going to begin allowing people to keep cows in suburban backyards or geese in their apartments.

Though some people can get away with having goats, chickens and rabbits as pets, not all of us can or want to – and an important way to offset the impact of dog and cat ownership is to adopt unwanted animals at shelters instead of buying from breeders. (And be sure to spay and neuter!)

Link [The Dominion Post]
Photo credit: HahaStop.com

Eco Surgical Masks & More Bizarre Greenovations

The never-ending parade of amazingly strange “green” inventions continues even through the recession with bizarre inventions that will make you ask, “why?” Some are awesome – like reusable tote bags that turn into Mexican wrestling masks (WIN!) while others will have you scratching your head in confusion, like male floral fascinators.

Trendhunter has a great gallery of 30 weird eco innovations, some more earth-friendly than others. Here are some of our favorites:

We’ve all seen floral fascinators and hair accessories for women, but Nissa Quanstrom’s ‘Green Streets’ shoot turns the tables and lets men wear flowers on their faces as well.

By adding an image of a Mexican wrestler on the bag, the sack looks super-radical when filled. Now what happens when it is empty? The Eco Warrior Bag is the best reason to have a costume party! Put that bad boy on your head and you have a night of hilarity ahead of you.

Designed by Australian industrial designers Ben Landau and Brittany Veitch, each Bio-Accessory includes a living organism that is supposed to create a ‘mobile natural environment.’ The idea behind the Bio-Accessories is to have nature within an urban setting.

Japanese wood design company Sasaki Kogei has created stunning, eco-friendly wooden guns. The gun is a replica of a Smith and Wesson model 2 Army gun. The company also offers another eco-friendly wooden guns including the 357 Korutopaison.

Check out the other 26 weird inventions over at TrendHunter.

Link [TrendHunter]

Bike to Berlin Brothel, Get a Discount

What’s more annoying than driving down to your local brothel only to find that there’s no parking available? It’s enough to make you stay home – and that’s exactly why Berlin’s Maison d’Envie, or House of Desire, is now offering discounts to clients who arrive on bicycles.

Thomas Goetz, the brothel’s owner, hopes that the discounts will stimulate sales and help the environment at the same time. From New York Daily News:

The bordellos in the capital of Germany, where prostitution is legal, have seen business suffer with the global financial crisis. Patrons have become more frugal, and there are fewer potential customers coming to the city for business trips and conferences.

But Maison d’Envie has seen its business begin to return since it began offering the euro5 ($7.50) discount in July, Goetz said.

To qualify, customers must show the receptionist either a bicycle padlock key or proof they used public transit to get to the neighborhood. That knocks the price for 45 minutes in a room, for example, to euro65 from euro70.

Those who arrive on foot, however, are out of luck.

“We haven’t found a way for people to prove they have walked here,” Goetz explained.

It’s a win-win: get double the exercise, see Berlin up close and personal, and get a discount on a prostitute. Who can argue with that? Even Berlin locals who don’t frequent brothels are cool with it, since it cuts congestion and pollution in this busy urban capital.

But why stop at brothels? This concept could be used by practically any kind of business and it’s a trend that we’d like to see remain long after the economy has picked back up again.

Link [New York Daily News]
Photo credit: Flickr user jesse.millan

Skunk Whisperer Frees Skunk from Peanut Butter Jar

Peanut butter is irresistible to skunks, says ‘Skunk Whisperer’ (yes – really) Ned Bruha, who was called on the scene after a newspaper delivery woman spotted a skunk with his head stuck in a jar of the tasty goo.

There is officially a ‘whisperer’ for everything.

Your life simply wouldn’t have been complete without seeing a skunk with a peanut butter jar on its head. You’re welcome.

Link [Buzzfeed]

Bad Bunnies Burned as Biofuel in Sweden

When you look at adorable, fuzzy bunnies, do you think, “Gee, these suckers would make the perfect biofuel to keep me warm this winter!”? If so, you might want to go in for a psychiatric evaluation – or move to Sweden, where they’re actually doing just that.

Apparently, bunnies are such a huge nuisance in Stockholm parks, officials not only kill them by the thousands every year, but ship their bodies off to a biofuel facility so they can keep Swedes warm and cozy all winter long.

From Scientific American:

Converting the rabbits to fuel is the company Konvex, a subsidiary of the Danish company Daka Biodiesel, which makes automotive and heating fuels from vegetable and animal oils and fats. The Swedes have a variety of similar efforts, including turning slaughterhouse trimmings into biogas, a methane fuel that runs taxicabs in Linkoping in southern Sweden.

Bunnies, despite a felicity for breeding, are not quite abundant enough to be a reliable fuel so Stockholm also ships dead cats, cows, deer and horses to the plant for processing, Tuvunger told Der Spiegel. No word on whether the remains of man’s best friend are also keeping Swedes warm this winter.

Hey, don’t get us wrong. Using a waste material for fuel = WIN. However, there’s something messed up about killing cute, innocent little creatures by the thousands and then burning their bodies for warmth. It’s not like these are the killer rabbits of Monty Python.

And, perhaps these bunnies should not be a waste material in the first place – because there are better ways of dealing with an overpopulation problem than mass murder.

Link [Scientific American]

Weirdest Green Cars of the Future

In the future, will we all be traveling in green flying saucers? Probably not, but that doesn’t stop extra-creative sci-fi enthusiasts from dreaming up bizarro vehicles that could have been props in Plan 9 from Outer Space.

According to this strange video (which is apparently narrated by a British robot), all of the craziest concepts from the past half-century are “the green cars of the future”, including the Ford Nucleon – designed in the ‘50s. It’s hardly a round up of green transportation that will actually be produced any time soon, but it’s a funny look at some of the wilder ideas that have been proposed.

Why the hell is the underwater car a convertible? “Hold your breath, honey, we’re going under!”

Link [Treehugger]

Ig Nobel Award Winners Include Gas Mask Bra, Panda Poo

Some research is just so strange, so goofy, that according to Harvard University, it just shouldn’t be repeated. Harvard-based journal Annals of Improbable Research hands out the ‘Ig Nobel’ awards every year, timed to coincide with the real Nobel awards.

This year’s Ig Nobels included a couple of green concepts that may or may not deserve the dubious distinction – a bra made of two gas masks, and a panda poop-based trash additive.

From The Guardian:

Public health prize

Awarded to Elena Bodnar of Hinsdale, Illinois, for patenting a bra that, in an emergency, can be converted into a pair of gas masks, one for the owner and one for a needy bystander. “It was inspired by the Chernobyl nuclear accident,” said Bodnar, who is originally from Ukraine. “This way, the mask is always readily available.”

Biology prize

Fumiaki Taguchi, Song Guofu and Zhang Guanglei of Kitasato University graduate school of medical sciences in Japan share the prize for demonstrating that kitchen waste can be reduced by more than 90% by using bacteria extracted from giant panda excrement. Taguchi suspected panda faeces must contain bacteria capable of breaking down even the hardiest of foods because of the bear’s vast consumption of bamboo.

Is it just us, or does the panda poop concept actually sound like a great idea? People need to get over this fear of poop, because damned if it hasn’t proven to be incredibly versatile for a range of eco-friendly products and technology lately. And hey, at least the gas mask bra is dual purpose.

The whole list of Ig Nobel prizes is worth a look – for example, the Literature Prize was awarded to the entire police force of Ireland for repeatedly issuing citations to “Mr. Prawo Jazdy”, a ‘name’ that is actually the words “driver’s license” in Polish.

Link [The Guardian]

Snails Save Bulgarian Farmers from Recession

Few industries have been spared during the global recession, with many still bracing for things to get worse before they get better. But farmers in Bulgaria have found a product that is seemingly recession-proof: snails. The cost to raise them is low and demand is so high, farmers can’t keep up with orders.

From MSNBC:

Businesses may shut by the day across Europe, and Bulgarian agriculture has been declining for 20 years, but snails — a delicacy particularly popular in France and Italy — have become a dynamic niche for the European Union’s poorest country.

September is harvest season and demand is outstripping supply for “escargots”, as the French call them (”ohlyuvi” in Bulgarian). The country has seized the chance to reinforce a position exporting luxury foods that are rarely consumed at home.

About 800 to 900 tons of snails and snail products — six times more than in 2008 — will be exported from Bulgaria this year to please the palates of aficionados, mostly in France.

300 new snail farms are set to open in Bulgaria next year as orders come in from all over Europe. People are really hungry for some snails.

Hey, sometimes tradition trumps smart spending, and people want little luxuries these days. Though why disgusting little slimy creatures are a luxury, I’ll never know.

Link [MSNBC]
Photo credit: Flickr user AussieGall

Bizarre Exoplanet Atmosphere: Pebble Rain, Molten Lava Lakes

It sounds rather hellish: a planet where clouds of pebbles rain down into lakes of molten lava. That’s what scientists think the atmosphere is like on a newly discovered exoplanet called COROT-7b, and it definitely makes even our worst storms here on Earth seem like a piece of cake.

COROT-7b was spotted last February by the COROT space telescope launched by French and European space agencies.

From Washington University News:

The peculiar atmosphere has its own singular weather. “As you go higher the atmosphere gets cooler and eventually you get saturated with different types of ‘rock’ the way you get saturated with water in the atmosphere of Earth,” explains Fegley. “But instead of a water cloud forming and then raining water droplets, you get a ‘rock cloud’ forming and it starts raining out little pebbles of different types of rock.”

Even more strangely, the kind of rock condensing out of the cloud depends on the altitude. The atmosphere works the same way as fractionating columns, the tall knobby columns that make petrochemical plants recognizable from afar. In a fractionating column, crude oil is boiled and its components condense out on a series of trays, with the heaviest one (with the highest boiling point) sulking at the bottom, and the lightest (and most volatile) rising to the top.

COROT-7b has an average density about the same as Earth’s, but it’s certainly nowhere near as hospitable. It’s 23 times closer to its star than Mercury is to our Sun and its star-facing side is hot enough to vaporize rocks.

You don’t even have to be a stoner to have have a “Whoooaaaa, duuuuude!” reaction to stuff like this. It’s sort of mind-blowing to ponder such things from the comfort of our own beautiful planet.

Link [Washington University News]
Photo credit: ESO/L Calcada

User-Unfriendly Green Gear: Weird Solar-Powered Cell Phone

Imagine that you’re forced to call 911 for some extremely emergent reason – like, say, a psycho killer in a clown costume is chasing you with a chainsaw (my worst nightmare). You whip out your totally awesome solar-powered cell phone… but, wait. You’ve got to mess with weird little stickers before you can place a call.

Okay, so the clown scenario is a little far-fetched, but still – you want your cell phone to be ready when you need it. That makes the strange “Label With Green” phone concept a little hard to swallow, since you’re required to power individual components of the phone with ‘Eco-Green Electronic Labels’.

From Yanko Design, via Treehugger:

Upgrading a redundant cellphone means adding to the pile of toxic trash that accumulates all around the world. The Label With Green is a concept phone aims at weaning you off the upgrade mania. To power the phone you need to use ECO-Green Electronic Labels, which are solar paper labels that juice up the phones various components (display, speaker, keypad, camera, and solar battery) independently. So to turn on any function, say display, you need to stick on enough solar labels onto the rear cover to power it.

The more functions of the phone you want to use, the more solar stickers you need to paste on the rear.

The idea is to make you conscious of the amount of toxic waste being accumulated due to improper disposal of electronic gadgets, our greed for upgrades and the amount of energy we consume to power our stuff. Essentially you can use this concept for a variety of gadgets.

It’s an interesting idea, especially given all the toxic electronic waste that is generated every day in the form of outdated cell phones. But the concept needs some work. As Treehugger noted, the ‘Label with Green’ phone is great as an educational device, but those of us looking for a more environmentally friendly cell phone that’s actually usable will have to keep waiting.

Link [Yanko Design] via [Treehugger]

Ancient, Bizarre New Species of Ghostshark Discovered

The Eastern Pacific Black Ghostshark is a bizarre, highly unusual, newly discovered species… yet it was found off the coast of California. This ‘chimaera’ is part of an ancient and strange group of fish that branched off from sharks, in terms of evolution, nearly 400 million years ago. They’re normally found in deep waters.

From Science Daily:

The new species, the Eastern Pacific black ghostshark (Hydrolagus melanophasma), was described in the September issue of the international journal Zootaxa by a research team including Academy Research Associates David Ebert and Douglas J. Long. Additional co-authors included Kelsey James, a graduate student at Moss Landing Marine Laboratories, and Dominique Didier from Millersville University in Pennsylvania. This is the first new species of cartilaginous fish to be described from California waters since 1947.

This new species belongs to the genus Hydrolagus, Latin for ‘water rabbit’ because of its grinding tooth plates reminiscent of a rabbit’s incisor teeth. This new species was originally collected as early as the mid 1960s, but went unnamed until this year because its taxonomic relationships were unclear. A large blackish-purple form, Hydrolagus melanophasma (melanophasma is Latin for ‘black ghost’), is found in deep water from the coast of Southern California, along the western coast of Baja California, and into the Sea of Cortez (Gulf of California). This species is known from a total of nine preserved museum specimens, and from video footage taken of it alive by a deep-water submersible in the Sea of Cortez.

Deep sea creatures are so fascinating, aren’t they? Finding new species is always fun, but it’s even more interesting when they are so ancient and have remained mostly unchanged for millenia. The sea is packed with so many amazing, mysterious things.

Link [Science Daily]

Current Green’s Weird Green Video Film Festival

There are plenty of bizarre green videos out there – from ‘Magic Marvelous Compost Bin’ to the Kate Moss paper doll video we featured last week – and Current Green wants to bring them all together for a fabulous film festival of weirdness.

Among the videos nominated for the festival are cheeky rap song ‘In My Prius’, ‘Due to Global Warming, Hell Freezes Over’ and ‘Eco Boy’. Watch Eco Boy kick the evil Pollutor in the balls right here:

Got a weird green video you want to nominate? Head over to Current Green, and check out the rest of the videos while you’re there.

Link [Current Green]

When Trees Attack: Woman Impaled by Falling Limb

Trees are not always our friends. Just ask Sonny Bono… oh, wait, you can’t. Because A TREE KILLED HIM. Well, you can ask Michelle Childers, the woman who miraculously survived being impaled in the neck by a wayward tree limb that was hell-bent on destruction.

Childers was enjoying a leisurely drive on a rural road in Idaho on September 5th with her husband when a spruce tree crashed through the passenger side window of the vehicle. All she felt was a “strange pressure” as her husband told her she’d been impaled.

They drove to a nearby lodge for help, and a helicopter transported her to the hospital where the tree limb was safely removed after 6 hours of surgery.

The photos and video are a gruesome reminder that just about anything, no matter how innocent it may seem, can be deadly. Watch out for that tree!

Link [The Huffington Post]

Want Big Veggies? Pee in Your Fireplace Ashes

Just about anyone will tell you that pee and food don’t mix. The idea of someone urinating on your food before it makes its way onto your plate is probably enough to make you feel a little nauseous – but, surprise! Piss can make veggies grow bigger and tastier, especially when mixed with wood ash.

It’s common knowledge that urine is good for compost – some gardeners even install toilet seats above their compost piles to make it easier for women to contribute. Now, a study has confirmed that human urine mixed with wood ash can produce as many high-quality tomatoes as synthetic fertilizers without risks to human health.

From Science Daily:

In the study, Surendra Pradhan and colleagues point out that urine, a good source of nitrogen, has been successfully used to fertilize cucumber, corn, cabbage, and other crops. Only a few studies, however, have investigated the use of wood ash, which is rich in minerals and also reduces the acidity of certain soils. Scientists have not reported on the combinaton of urine and wood ash, they say.

The new study found that plants fertilized with urine produced four times more tomatoes than nonfertilized plants and as much as plants given synthetic fertilizer. Urine plus wood ash produced almost as great a yield, with the added benefit of reducing the acidity of acid soils. “The results suggest that urine with or without wood ash can be used as a substitute for mineral fertilizer to increase the yields of tomato without posing any microbial or chemical risks,” the report says.

So, basically, if you want big tomatoes, just pee in your fireplace ashes and then spread them on the soil. Cheap, easy, and your drunken party guests will be more than happy to assist. Gotta love it!

Link [Science Daily]
Photo credit: Flickr user Wonker

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