Michael Phelps Helps Polar Bears Adapt to a Changing World

World record-breaking Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps is bouncing back from his pot scandal in a way that has environmentalists and animal rights advocates around the world raising their bongs in tribute. Phelps, in an effort to reclaim his good name globally, is lending his expertise to help threatened polar bears adapt to a new world in which their natural habitat is rapidly changing.

Phelps is teaching polar bears advanced swimming techniques so that they can compete around the world, ensuring that the animals remain valued as global warming obliterates their Arctic homes. They may not be able to carry out their lives as nature intended, but they’ll be lavished with attention by humans who love to gawk at confined performing animals.

Of his new venture, Michael “Dolphin Boy” Phelps humbly explained, “Every week, there has been a new story about polar bears and how they’re dying off. It seems like nothing but bad news, all the time. But now, polar bears have a chance to not only survive, but go on to compete and win in the Olympics, and what could be more important than that?”

Fear not, animal rights activists: Phelps will be monitored carefully while interacting with the bears to ensure that no marijuana changes hands. After all, polar bears aren’t superhuman, so it could affect their performance.

Link [The Daily Mail]
Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

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