FBI on the Trail of Dangerous Vegan Potluck Dinner Attendees
May 24, 2008 · Print This Article
Dayum! So apparently we’re not the only ones who think militant vegans can get a little crazazy – the FBI is on their trail, too. Those wily wilesters are looking for a few good moles who aren’t afraid of stepping into those infamous dens of dissent – vegan potluck dinners.
College student Paul Carroll was called into a meeting at a coffee house with the campus police sergeant and a female FBI special agent. Carroll had previously been charged with a misdemeanor for spray-painting the inside of a campus elevator, and knew the police officer from when he turned himself in. What they had to say once he got there wasn’t exactly what he was expecting.
From City Pages:
“She told me that I had the perfect ‘look,’” recalls Carroll. “And that I had the perfect personality—they kept saying I was friendly and personable—for what they were looking for.”
What they were looking for, Carroll says, was an informant—someone to show up at “vegan potlucks” throughout the Twin Cities and rub shoulders with RNC protestors, schmoozing his way into their inner circles, then reporting back to the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force, a partnership between multiple federal agencies and state and local law enforcement. The effort’s primary mission, according to the Minneapolis division’s website, is to “investigate terrorist acts carried out by groups or organizations which fall within the definition of terrorist groups as set forth in the current United States Attorney General Guidelines.”
Carroll would be compensated for his efforts, but only if his involvement yielded an arrest. No exact dollar figure was offered.
“I’ll pass,” said Carroll.
Those vegans. You gotta watch out for them, seriously, what with their non-leather accessories, tofu and almond milk. They are some dangerous mofos who won’t hesitate to cut you if you dare to pledge your support for meat eating in their presence. As we speak, they’re covering their tracks so the FBI doesn’t find their secret vegan activist hideaways complete with seed bombs, trays of dairy-free bakery treats and posters of famous vegans Alicia Silverstone and Woody Harrelson. They are armed with PETA brochures and planning a terrorist infiltration of the Republican National Convention complete with dangerous ‘Go Vegan’ stickers and peacemongering propaganda.
Link [City Pages] via [BoingBoing]
Photo credit: Flickr user Joi
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Wow, that’s hilarious, great article! I’ll be on the lookout for those fearsome vegans and their tofu slingshots…
[...] which is another strike against us but, fortunately, we’re too anti-social (woops) to attend vegan potluck dinners. Of course Zeus — darn him to heck — insists on using his nickname, which is another [...]